The Forbidden Monologues
by Engineer Jess
Summary: Zurg sits in his Z Palace and remembers his past, how he became emperor. (This is connected to my other stories, happens before Episode 3.)
1. Default Chapter

AN: These are Zurg's thoughts, not mine. I'm not a herald of evilness. :P Buzz Lightyear of Star Command © Disney/Pixar.

_"Fear is the path that leads to the dark side... fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering..."_

-**Yoda, in _The__ Phantom Menace_**

**The Forbidden Monologues**

"I am a being. Maybe I am considered mainly being a mechanical android in a majestic emperor's robe, but inside it, I do exist, as a man, as a creature full of dark might."

"I do not want to remember the faltered, fragmented years when Evil Emperor Zurg did not exist. Over 25 years has the maliciousness reigned over the Zeta Quadrant, because of my victories and conquers. It was I, who built the empire this magnificent. One day it was not a black paradise like this, one day there where only a few solar system sharing the forces of the dark side. But as I had deliberated earlier, I do not want to dive into those days, the days when the powerful Emperor Zurg was still an imaginary ruler."

"However... as I do walk around this purple throne room -Oh, purple, what a harmonic colour for evilness!- I see in my eyes the era when I was something else. The other half of my life, which I have desperately attempted to push into the deepest dungeons of my subconscious, opens if front of my view like yesterday. Quasars! Why do these mementos keep pesting me from year to year? Those times should not subsist any longer! The pathetic, whining hours of Zoxedaszeĉ Zora Lightyear."

"Yes... I used to carry that name, one day. Nevertheless, it has been buried under the sands, where eternity fades the forgotten histories. I do not hear that name, any more. It does not echo in my ears like it did 30 years ago... although, I ought to admit that it sounded beautiful when it fled from _her_ lips...  bitter-sweetly I hear her low whisper... _'Zoxe...'_ Oh Adi, Adi, what did they do to you? Why? I only can ask, why?"

"I feel something burning in my eyes. No, I have to get this mask off and get some air. _Adi_... why do you still make my heart feel as if it was gushed with a dozen blades? You were not supposed to live any more inside me. You were supposed to be lost, a buried keepsake! Please, do not come to haunt my thoughts, I was in the middle of creating a new manoeuvre for to take the Alliance into my clutches!"

"Fiddling my collars I finally get the suffocating helmet off. Why did I even decide to use this kind of uniform? Yes, it was evil-looking, grinning, covered the officially dead face from everyone. Who knows... maybe it was easier for a young man to breath through this _thing_...  but do I have a choice? I have taken the oath to seal my face under this for forever. No one may see them, no one may know. Especially not the one person who is the burden of my shoulders.

 But now I am alone and allowed to study my being in sinister peace. Although... the burning in my eyes will not cease, it was again because of _you_, because of you, Adi! And because of you, Buzz Lightyear, who have grown a menace on my way. The moment I saw you becoming an obstacle for me, I should have comprehended to stop your ongoing before it was too late. By taking you here, by turning you into me.

 Ahh... fresh air. Fresh air of evilness. You sweating helmet, go away from my sight! Curse you! Now, now, attempt at least to calm somewhat down, Zurg... remember what the doctor brain-pod has said about getting too angry at this age. Indeed, occasionally I have felt my chest getting heavy under the fieriest turbulences of my wrath. I do not afford to angina pectoris, not now when I am on the top of my reign. A good way to avoid that is to get involved to the daily physical exercise in my private gym. I am almost as strong as in the bright days of my youth, still more forceful than Darkmatter or Lightyear have ever been. This, with over seven feet height, will boost my power, Jim-kraken-dandy!"

"But curse you, my brains! Molesting me still with the images of the forbidden past. They make my eyes sting even more. I see... I see myself as a boy, surrounded by the green lush of Planet Morph... Graargh, I hate green! It always brings Star Command into my mind, that nauseous combination of green and white. 

On the other hand, that was my home, green in the summer, white in the winter. I was the young genius, the only son and child of the family. 51 years ago was born the legend that would be one day called the Dark Lord of Zeta Quadrant. My parents were old, seemingly it was a miracle that Nana Lightyear had given birth to me, when being 45 years old. My father was a politician, the representative of Morph on Capital Planet, what is said ambassador.

 As being supremely more intelligent in my age group, my education was started in the very early years. I began the comprehensive school of high-IQ children at the age of five, applying to senior high at the age of 13. Jim-kraken-dandy, I always have been aware of my incomparability. So were my parents and they treated me pursuant to that.

 Living in such a family, I was introduced to politics very early. My father encouraged me to join a youth party, through which I could aim further. And therefore I decided to start to read political sciences, after I had graduated from the senior high -after one and half years of light studying. Oh those pathetic mortals who attempted to jam mathematics and languages into their blockheads, being several years elder than me, never succeeding the way I did. Mwa ha ha."   

"I smell still in my nostrils _your_ scent, the warm scent of those herbals you always used when washing your hair. Those thick, dark-brown curls that felt so soft when I smoothed them... I got lost into your deep, sapphire blue eyes, while structinizing your lightly oriental features. Adi... your burgundy long dress was in the perfect harmony with your milk white skin and those locks of yours that I used to admire from minute to minute. You were a silent, brave woman, who never wanted to step on anyone's way. And what was the destiny of you, it made me lost my fate in goodness. Goodness. What a wasted virtue.

 I was eighteen when I met you, finishing my education in the political science faculty. You were a couple of years elder than me, but that was not a hinder of love. You took part of the same lessons, as a beginning student. I, the youngest of them all, kept casting my eyes on you and you returned those regards, smiling a warm smile to me. I was a handsome view, then, although I still consider myself being better in looks than the relevant-aged; that do-gooder Commander Nebula is a golliwog compared to me. But then, my blue-black, thick hair was finished with a stroke of gel, my body growing robust. I was the admire target of many women, but I saw only you, Adi.

 A couple of months later, when I turned nineteen, I took you under my wing, laced a ring around your finger. You gave me your maidenhood and I gave you the shelter of a caring husband. I had wealth, I had power already then, I afforded to provide you for everything you needed. My parents bought us a literal mansion for wedding present. You were brought to a wonderland from your humble home. Only that your life had to be so short, such a drop in the ocean...

 Adi-Gaia Lightyear was the name you were known as by my side. The same summer, a couple of months after our wedding day, my father decided to retire from his profession. However, what he had done as an arrangement for me, was a surprise. He had recommended me to several higher directions as to be his successor. What was there to hinder my steps? So far, I had been already a candidate to the Alliance parliament, so I was the perfect person to continue his glorious occupation. Money and control for my sore hands. Therefore Adi decided to quit her studies and stay home, because she was sure I could support her and the progeny. The wedding night, our fulfilment of love -I still used to believe in that thing, then- must have been fertile since she was carrying a new life inside her. That era was a minor paradise, even when I descend into it now, in this paradise of evilness."

"She gave me a boy. I had wished for a girl. Maybe, if it had been a girl, my scion would never have grown to such a terror. Nevertheless, you do not know, who is your father, son of Z. Z. Lightyear. And you shall not know that. That man of the past abysses does not exist. His name is forbidden. He is dead."  

 "The bright days were not many. As I went on further on my career, I, for my extreme unluck, became involved in a payola plot. Some members of the Alliance senate had behind everyone's backs been giving money out so that they would be criminally elected further, to higher positions. At that time, the nowadays wannabe-alliance was only consisting of two Quadrants, the politic atmosphere full of corruption and blackmailing. Some quarters were shaking hands with a Tradeworldian mafia. Sigh... that was also the grim reaper of my fortune.

 It was spring then. My son was barely a year old. _She_ and he were living on Morph, I was working on Capital Planet. Every weekend I went back to my family, to declare my love to my beautiful wife and the child she had given me. One month, however, I was thrown into that payola case as I thought of earlier. I was invited to a 'highly classified meeting' with some Alliance senators and parliament members. What the thing indicated to be, was a debate about how to apply illegal positions as ministers, how to direct taxes to one's own pockets and so on. This all was led by the that-time finance minister of Planet Ihhihii-Tih, rubbing friendly shoulders with the Trade World men. I was not aware where I was led and became shocked when I was offered a possibility to become a Secretary of War. For the prize, I would have participated to the revolt that was targeted to take the Alliance into other fingers.

 Young, heedless I was. I used to believe in goodness. I surely wanted more power but in those days not in that form. I wanted to earn it by myself, not through 'illegal' matters, as I thought then. What a hoot that was... I declined, retreated and bore the tales to the Universe Protection. What an idiot I was... if I had had the power of the dark side then in my hands, I would have succeeded to enormous majesties then, already. But I was different. I believed in justice. Nevertheless, the justice was not there when I called for its help.

 I was supposed to be a hero after revealing the blackest scheme since made against the galaxy. News blazed my kudos, I was granted with an honorary medallion, given me by the President himself. And I could not see the future. Not the clouds that were tumbling over me. My peace, my melody was only an illusion. The villains I had gained found a way to retaliate me. Some underground scum of the 'fraternal' mafia burgled into my house on Morph and... killed _her_. My son was not in her arms, then, but sleeping in another room, not spotted by the assassinators."    

"What did they do to you, quasars, _what did they do to you?_ What was left for me when I too late approached the scene of horrors? Your beauty, you precious little being was cut into pieces, lying on the floor, swimming in the well of your life! That... that image is something... I can never... cough... I can never get rid of it, how much I ever attempted to extinguish it. What did they do to you? WHY? Why did it have to be that way? Every night you return to my nightmares in that form, your fine features cut, slashed into shapeless heap of meat! Even now... it chokes me, making my knees weak of vomiting... I have to sit down so that I will not burst because of this memento... I have to dispel that picture from my head NOW! Oh, Adi...

 ...not much was there left for funerals. Your remains were cremated and your ashes strewed into the river of your hometown.

 That indicated to be the end of goodness in me. At first, I was afraid. So afraid of what might happen to me and the estate you had left me. The darkness surrounded me, the despair. You were the only light in my life I had ever had. Not even the child could warm my heart like you had done. Gradually... the despair turned to anger. What was there good in goodness, if it leaded to results like this? I wanted revenge, revenge to those who did this to you. Quasars, where was the justice when it was needed? Nowhere, nowhere! I started to hate everything, my own life, my work, myself... what was there left for me, but to seek for nemesis..."


	2. Chapter 2

"I was wandering in depression... black, deep, depression..."

"I thank my wisdom furthermore this day that I never touched the poison called alcohol. It could have been near, but I prevented myself descending that low into my pathetic self-pity. Although it was because of my mistakes that _she_ had had to suffer such an end, drinking would not have solved anything. Only a pure, evil revenge shall bring me the comprehension that my poor choices are compensated.

 Melancholy and wrath shadowed my face from day to another. I did my work that did not taste any more as good as it had been. Why to serve such an idiotic organisation that could not even protect the lives of its own habitants? Or to give justice when it was needed? And I had another burden in the middle of all this, the child. As much as I was able to persuade the relatives to watch after him, I still was his guardian and forced to foster him. Oh if I would have been granted with a daughter, it would have given me some light into the sorrow. But such a little brat... gah. I took him to live with me on Capital Planet. And I can admit myself that I did not know how to raise a son. And I do still not know." 

 "Then came the day when I met Sajud Gar'Heej. A man that would be the key to my future.

 I was then participating a summit of the Alliance senators. That did not interest me a piece of tarnished Zenerdiode. The only thing I could enjoy in that rotten conference was my majestic figure walking tall and severe among the wizened old fools. Stupid idiots living in their own fantasy worlds. Gar'Heej, however, did show brotherly friendliness towards me. He had heard about the losses of my life and came to discuss with me. And I needed someone to whom I could talk like a man to man. I had buried all the repressed enmity inside me. He became my friend. This 70-year-old senator at first introduced himself being from Tiputanssi System, but as the time went on and he literally knew my whole history, it was revealed that his position was quite much different. He in truth worked for an exterior empire, something that did not belong to the Alliance at all. In other words, he was a spy.

 I did not care any more what he was. A spy or not. He explained me that there would be a way to turn the pages of the history book so that I would benefit of it. How it would be possible to realize the thing I most wished for in my life; to make the earthworms suffer who did this to you, Adi. After that, I was informed that he had made me known to his employer, an emperor called Zidár. Surprising was indeed that this royal wanted to encounter me. Gar'Heej elucidated it was extremely important that I should visit Zeta Quadrant if I wanted to do something to my miserable life. And so I was invited to tap in front of my future Master." 

"Oh the sinister symphony of Planet Z when I for the first time stepped on the black ground of it. It was dusk, the red sky more crimson than ever, contrasting perfectly with the malevolent atmosphere. Ahh the harmony, the melody... The planet itself, however, was not quite similar to what it is today; it was I who built the magnificent technology, the halls, the palaces, the factories. At that time, there grew forests on those places where now my mighty architecture rises to the highnesses. Those pesting plants and vegetables needed to be destroyed, burned! Nothing would be there to remind me of Morph when I finally took the throne. Nothing! Curse you a bazillion times, Morph!

 I admired this place from the first sight on. And that emotion turned to sheer awe when I was directed to the Imperial Palace. Zurg Tower did not exist then, at the place of it was a smaller colosseum, but indeed even it was marvellous in its evil beauty. All the decorations were violet, with large, glowing z-letters on the walls. From that moment on, I connected them to my own name... I had three zetas already steering my former identity.

 However, I felt chills going down my spine when I was finally introduced to the ruler, Emperor Zidár. The dark side was surely his powerful ally; that could be seen already from his outer appearance. He did not actually wear the common clothes of an emperor, but moreover a black cloak, its hood drawn deep over his head. He was 130 years old, very pale and a red glow flashed in his eyes when he glanced around. I do not know until this day what was his true race. He resembled a human being, but had his origins somewhere in the furthest distances of Zeta Quadrant.

 He was absolutely direct with me. The only question was that did I want to have someone to destroy the enemies that had stepped on my highway. Like in a flash, a flash of comprehension, I understood that this forceful man knew everything about me. And when I announced with the most blazing hatred in my voice that I definitely wanted to have the revenge on those skunks, he just kept nodding smilingly in front of me. I wondered for a while what this smirk was for, but then I was filled with awareness when the answer lastly came. He would carry on the retaliation, if I would do a favour for him. To become his apprentice.

 Emperor Zidár explained the reason for this in a way that quite pleased my pride. He had heard about my talents, my incomparable intelligence, which was proven of course by the political post I had as such a young person. Mwa ha ha ha... what normal pathetic mortal would ever become ambassador at the age of 19? Muhahahahaa... only I, _I_ would be capable of _that_.  Slowly, with those coaxing words of his, he made me see what kind of a turkey the whole Alliance was, that it deserved not my skills. My life would be flushed down the sewers of dullness if I would continue in my current career. If I would agree to his plans, there would be something a billion times more glorious waiting for me. And today I see it, I feel it, I taste it... as now sitting here in my throne, ruling the Dark Empire as a sovereign monarch. Yes, I would become his apprentice, and therefore be his successor... the next Emperor. That was an offer too brilliant to be refused. Moreover, he needed my assistance in expanding his kingdom, he had been for a long time searching for such a gifted person as I was. No one in his current reign was as prospective as I was."

 "For the first time in my life, I heard from the Emperor about _the dark side_. He declared that I was the most potential person he had ever met, for to become its servant. From my grim regard he could read the sparkles of anger that rattled in my mind. And anger... if I would release it to its full power, would already solely help me to step to the right path, the path that I am walking now. I, fool, had mistrust to take the advance at first. But gradually Zidár made me grasp what were the benefits. He told me he saw that I did not believe in goodness. And that surrendering to the forces of darkness would give me the domination so that no one could ever put his dirty shoes on my way. This way I would avenge on everyone I ever wanted, everyone that ever dared to resist me! ...There, I finally believed him... and gained my prize."

 "Years of reading ancient scrolls, learning combat skills, devoting myself to meditation... That was my training. And in the middle of all this, I heard that the murderers of my wife were one by one trapped and made to experience a death more horrible than she ever had gone through... One by one, Zidár ordered to capture them, transported them to his planet and tortured them, until their last screams were heard. One by one... over 50 members of that mafia... who had plotted against me or anyhow taken part of ruining my life. I was not there to see what was their destiny, but I heard the shrieks a couple of times echoing from the dungeons, where they faced their grim reapers.

 Ah, yes... Planet Z had become like a new home to me. Although I did still officially live on that sickeningly hypocritical Capital Planet, this was the crystal palace where I wanted to be. To be served by Zidár's simple-minded minions... a race of insect-like creatures. Of whom I took the control, lately. And I was trained to attend on the dark side, while I skilfully weakened the Galactic Alliance's defences -by stealing the blueprints of every single innovative invention they ever came up. Sadly Zidár's army forces were still too weak to attack the Alliance, but we built together new technology as the base of a strong future empire. And so he did conquers in the far space of Zeta Quadrant... many solar systems were there to obey him since they saw the new vigour of the raising dynasty.

 And I was behind all this... I was an obedient apprentice, doing patiently every task my Master ordered me to do. The prize was there waiting for me... when I would be ready.

 There I was. Stepped into the halls of the dark side. I was promoted, given a royal status. Every creeping lackey called me Lord Zora. Although I did not like that name. I had had the tendency of willing to get rid of my own, old identity. I did not want to be some whining ambassador of the Alliance, I wanted to be a dark lord. The name Lightyear was a real conjuration in my ears. Light? Light was nowhere! I do not want light! The light shall be devastated!

...Though, with the permission of my Master, I made myself known as Zurg. Lord Zurg. Oo, how dangerous and dark that sounds! Zurg... _Z_-Zurg... _Zuuuurg_... _Zurrrrrg_... I could repeat that name for hours, it is so harmonic in its consonant-vowel combination... ZURG! _Zu-uuuurg_... And I made that name for me, purely I. And I must say I admire the izzard that begins it. Oo... an evil izzard."

 "As I reached the days of my 25th year, the roles changed. During a negotiation conference between Morph and a planet called Shaak in Rontti System, I received a vid-phone call from Gar'Heej. For my shock, he announced that my Master had suddenly fallen to sickbed because of an internal bleeding. In addition, the prospects were not good. As I arrived to Planet Z, the Emperor was a coughing shadow of himself, lying feebly on his deathbed. I was there to hear his last words, sealing my value in his eyes. I would take the throne. And before his regard became extinct and ¦eol swallowed him, I promised to make this reign more glorious than it ever had been.

 Lord Zurg was not only a lord, now, but an emperor. Emperor Zurg.

 So was the negotiation trip ended. I had left the council rooms in a hurry, not telling where I headed. No one knew where I had gone, so why bother? I never returned to Shaak, to finish the boring debates. Zidár was buried the following day, and I, I stepped into the throne room. There was a suit waiting for me. A long, purple robe, including a silver chest-plate, silvery alloy-gauntlets, and a helmet to hide my face. That day I made it clear that Z. Z. Lightyear did not exist any longer. He was dead and so would be his identity. Therefore, no one would be there to see my features. There was only the young, powerful Emperor Zurg.

 For the very next day I hooted my new name visible. By contacting that ridiculous Universe Protection Unit, warning them about the new might and reign of me. I would take the Alliance into my hands, sooner or later. And as my first victory, I had destroyed the ambassador of Morph. It was all too easy to make them believe that he was dead. And so he is, the wind blows no more over his being."

 "I do not know what happened to my son after that, what was his childhood. He was left to be warded by some relatives during the days of the negotiation travel. Obviously they were there to raise him, too. I did not care. But now I shall care when he has grown to be my greatest enemy. Nevertheless, the son of Z. Z. Lightyear shall one day obey me. That is for sure."

"Today I have it, dark glory... and no one is there to take it away from me. Jim-kraken-dandy."


End file.
